Phone: RING! RING! RING!
Phone: RING! Friend’s voice as machine picks up: “Hey Mike! Mike! Wake up!”
Me: * still asleep* ^%$#@#$%^^!!!!!!!!!
Phone: RING! RING! RING! RING! Friend’s voice as machine picks up: “Mike, I swear I’m sober, pick up the phone, I need some help man!”
Me: *answering phone* ^%$#@#$%^^!!!!!!!!!
Former friend: I’m in Macon, man, and I need for you to call my ex for me.
Former friend: Com’on man! The bitch nailed me bad, I’m stranded.
Former Friend: She bought a new gas cap for my truck, one that locks, and didn’t tell me. I found the note in my wallet saying she hid the key somewhere in the truck, but I can’t find it. I’m running of fumes. I can’t make it back.
Me: It’s your weekend to have the kids, isn’t it?
Former friend: Man, come on that’s not the point!
Me: You bailed on the kids to go to a football game, didn’t you?
Former friend: Man, please, I have to find that key.
Me: You told her you had the flu, didn’t you?
Former friend: Did she call you?
Me: LOL! *hangs up phone, turns off machine*