Monday, September 24, 2012

Me and My Brain

Me: Work, work, work.
Brain: Fret.
Me: What?
Brain: You have to go to the grocery store.
Me: Yeah, after work.
Brain: I forgot why.
Me: What?
Brain: Remember yesterday when we were talking about going to the store and getting something?
Me: Yeah.
Brain: I forgot what it is.
Me: Let’s think about it at the store.
Brain: What if I can’t remember?
Me: Later!
Brain: Fret.
Me: Okay, what could it be?
Brain: We have enough leftovers to last two days, which means we have to have something for lunch the next three days at work or eat out which is expensive but we could get sushi..
Me: Sushi is expensive.
Brain: But it’s good for you and makes you happy.
Me: Okay, we’ll eat out one time this week.
Me: Okay I have to get to work
Brain: Fret
Me: What now?
Brain: I can’t remember what we need at the store.
Me: We’ll figure it out then! I have to work!
Brain: Fret.
Me: Okay, it can’t be coffee, we have coffee..
Brain: We should make espresso, espresso is so good, and everyone likes espresso, remember that facebook comment everyone liked because you were so happy to have espresso, and..
Me: Focus, please.
Brain: Salad stuff would be good.
Me: Was that it?
Brain: No, but get salad stuff. Ooh! Get some dark bread, too!
Me: Only if the rye is on sale. Is that it?
Brain: Get the playboy book with Olivia Wilde in it.
Me: Where in the hell did that come from? We’ve never bought… Olivia Wilde is in playboy?
Brain: No but wouldn’t it be great if she was?
Me: I have to work! Will you just stop it?
Brain: You misspelled that last word.
Me: Thank you for focusing! Now let me work.
Brain: Fret.
Me: What now?
Brain: Do you think the dogs are okay?
Me: Please stop.
Brain: Sorry, really.
Me: Focus.
Brain: Are we out of toilet paper? Was that it?
Me: No! Focus!
Brain: You left a word out of that last sentence.
Brain: And it’s 10/24/12 not 10/24/11 by the way.
Me: Good work. Thanks.
Brain: Fret
Me: What now?
Brain: What if this is Alzheimer’s? What if not being able to remember simple things is the beginning of the end?
Me: Maybe we will survive long enough to finish this report? Could we?
Brain: Sorry, okay.
Me: Okay, where is that last report.
Brain: My Documents, in the folder you created last week so you wouldn’t lose them.
Me: Good work!
Brain: Olivia Wilde is related to Oscar Wilde.
Brain: That’s “reply all” you’re about to hit.
Brain: You’re welcome.
Me: Wow, good save.
Brain: I know.
Me: No really, thanks.
Brain: Catsup.
Me: What?
Brain: We’re out of catsup. That’s what we need from the store.
Me: All this for catsup?
Brain: Tell me you didn’t hit send after I told you not to.


  1. I think your problem is unique, because everybody I deal with apparently shuts off their brain at work.

    1. I think I would get into less trouble if I did.