Sunday, October 7, 2012

Night Of The Living Raccoon.

Raccoons are afraid of dogs once they reach a certain size and there are some dogs who are unafraid of raccoons regardless of their mass or the mass of the raccoon. This makes for interesting encounters in as much as the encounter between President McKinley and Leon Czolgosz was interesting, with the main difference is Teddy Roosevelt isn’t likely to become president after the coon conflict. Czolosz was an anarchist and I’m pretty sure raccoons are too, or at least that was what broke out at four this morning.
There were two in the backyard at one point and I suspect one chased the other and the one being chased assumed the one chasing would not follow into the Dog’s Domain, but everyone was wrong. The sound of the battle reached the inside of the house very quickly and a few things became clear.
The first is I do not want a simultaneous launch of two dogs off by bed at four in the morning. Lucas leapt up and was met in midair by his sister who managed to bowl them both over. But as Lucas launched one of his back feet was firmly planted on soft ground, which in this case would be my groin. So I wasn’t getting up even if it was the Manson Family and the Partridge Family Christmas Special in the yard.
I am totally unsure how they did it because I was writhing in pain at the time, but it appears that all three dogs arrived at the back door at the same time. The door was not fully open, as it usually is in cool weather, so what happened was all three hit the half open door and slammed it shut. The sound of the door slamming lead me to believe there was someone inside of the house so I did manage to get erect, er, stand up.  The dogs, to their credit, all sat when I told them to, even if my voice was a bit higher.
I got the case that holds dead, or nearly dead batteries and ventured out leaving the dogs inside. I no sooner espied the offending animal than he saw me. Instead of retreat back from whence he came, he milled around the yard a bit, as if daring me to set the dogs upon him.  The dogs were in a state of turmoil but I decided not to release them into the night. The raccoon would wander off and I would sleep again. But it was not to be.
The raccoon decided to make noises in the yard rather than leave which caused Lillith to attempt an exit through a window. I am missing part of a screen now, yes. So I went out with the shot gun and blasted an area a few feet from him. Which caused him to flee not into the woods but into the hollow of a nearby tree and sealed my fate as far as sleep goes. I closed the windows, turned the AC on, and decided to wait him out. After give minutes I realized the dogs were not going to let up so I got up and this report to you is what followed.

Take Care,


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Sounds like the coon was acting a mite peculiar hope it’s not rabid.

    knot spel gud

    1. I've seen this sort of thing before. When they get to fighting over sex or territory they think they're gods.

      Hmmmm, sounds like another species I know.