Lucas seems to have padded his way down the road to recovery without so much as looking back. The first few days were bad because his nose was still bleeding, he was still recovering from being anesthetized but most of all I think Lucas was in a state of shock from being away from home. The closest thing we humans can experience to compare to this is alien abduction. Lucas was in a strange place with nothing familiar there and they cut off part of his face. For four days he had to wonder where he was, where I was, and how long this was going to go on.
When I went to get Lucas he was still very stoned. They wanted to keep him one more day but all things medical looked good and Lucas was dying. He wasn’t eating, drinking, peeing or pooping. Lucas was shutting down. Whatever was happening to him wasn’t home and he didn’t want to live without it. I told work I was going to go get my dog and that was what I did.
The whole way back I had to keep Lucas out of my lap. As long as I kept on hand on his head Lucas seemed fine. But he had to have that contact. It wasn’t until we started down the driveway to the house he acted like he really knew where he was.
That was a week ago, Thursday. This Wednesday we are going to have the vet come here to take his stitches out. Lucas as recovered entirely from the Alien Abduction thing. Well, almost. He likes to sleep on top of me more than he used to and he has to lose weight anyway. He wants his nose close to my face when we sleep and I don’t mind, really.
That’s what’s missing from a lot of people’s lives these days, I think. We’ve created a world where connections are made with keyboards but not with faces. Lucas is scarred up pretty bad but I just want to be close to that face. I will admit it freely; I suffered terribly without him here with me. I love my mutts. I wonder how people go about their day to day lives without someone to love there.
When a close friend of mine told me I couldn’t save Lucas that I should let him live out his time in comfort until the pain became too great, I saw the practical wisdom in this thinking. But it lacked love. Love means being able to see past practicality and seeing a way to get things done doe someone because love demands it, love compels you do take that leap, love propels you through the arena of wisdom and logic and dollars and sense and love lifts you above it all so that nothing else matters to you.
Right now I face harder financial times that I ever dreamed possible but I cannot say that I care. My close friend came over and asked me how I was going to manage this and I asked her if she still thought she was right. The math was on her side but now she wavered; now she sat and saw before her the evidence at hand that there was something out there which defied her calculator and honestly I think it daunted her sense of being.
Could you? Would you? Have you? Would you do it again?
I feel more whole for the decision I made. I feel as if there was a trade I did not know I was making has been made, and I got the better end of the deal, by far. Now, I wonder if my friend had also at one time in her life had also made that decision and now saw that part of her soul had been traded away. I cannot say what she got in that bargain but I do know I want none of it.
Love. Lucas was going to allow himself to fade away and die without it. Some would have let him die for the lack of it. We’re all going to go in the end. Love is the only way to live. Anything less and you’re cowering in fear of the loss of something you are too afraid to lose to have.