Monday, February 9, 2015

The Rebel of the Indoor Rain





So about the time the weather had its first real cold snap, when I actually had to close the windows and get the comforter out of the closet, Lilith had some incontinence problems. It only happened twice, and it was right after she was on steroids for Kennel Cough. But it did happen once on the bed and having no idea what else to do about it, I bought a shower curtain to shield the bed from liquid Lilith. I put the shower curtain on the bed, put a sheet over it and Lilith got to sleep on the bed with everyone else.
There really wasn’t a question of making her sleep on the floor or outside and until I figured out what was wrong, if something was wrong, this was the way we were going to do it. It never happened again, thankfully, and I just tossed the new shower curtain to one side, just in case.
When I was growing up all shower curtains were white. Showers hadn’t really gotten in vogue everywhere and a lot of people still took baths. Refrigerators were always white, too, and mostly people called them “ice boxes” because that was once what they all were. But when I rented my first apartment it came with a white shower curtain. I vowed to be a rebel and change.
What really got me cranked up was a woman I dated who had a truly unique shower curtain with fish and seaweed and that sort of thing on it, but it was also clear plastic. I really liked clear plastic and that’s what I wound up with. For reasons I cannot explain to you my shower curtain that was clear plastic and had no sea scenes on it made her self-conscious when we showered together but hers didn’t. But I really liked the clear plastic shower curtains and that’s what I’ve owned since, believe it or not, the 1980’s. No not the same one, silly.
So yesterday I took my old shower curtain down and used it as sort of a repository for things that I was throwing away while doing some house cleaning ( try not to faint) and then I bundled it all up and toss it into the dumpster- thing- with- wheels- on- it- that- I- take- to- the- side- of –the- road- on- Fridays. I installed the new clear plastic shower curtain and what in the name of Moby Dick is this?
The new clear plastic shower curtain was two feet shorter than it ought to have been.
This is funny for more reasons than you think. Right after I got married my bride went to get a shower rod for our shower stall and I told her to measure the stall. She didn’t so before she left I did and it was forty inches. In a huff she told me there were all a standard size. Off she went to get a rod for the shower while I did yard work and when she returned, the rod, fully extended, was about six inches short. We used some small wooden blocks to fill up the difference but to me, that was just another one of those things that even after I told her to do something different, she did it her way and it cost us money or time. Those were the days when driving to Valdosta for something had to count and this had been something truly simple. I made a trip in Monday when I went to work and I felt kind of weird returning a shower rod that had been used for two days. Rarely is a house torn down all at once but one brick at a time. Every day, every week, every month, and finally, every year, money went missing for no good reason and we needed for something desperately but she had frittered it away with nothing to show for it. There were times I nearly felt like a pedophile because it was a lot like living with a child. No, you can’t buy that because we have bills to pay! I can’t remember what it was but she bought something and I returned it that day, fifty mile round trip, because we simply couldn’t afford to have the money out.
So there was this dwarf shower curtain hanging there, reminding me that I hadn’t looked at the length dimensions but for some reason it was funny. I took a shower this morning and could see over the top of the shower curtain. Who has a shower built like this? This is what it is like to be seven feet tall. No, but really. Who has shower curtains that are made for stalls that are less than five feet tall?
Of course, since I bought it months ago I can’t return it so I had to get another shower curtain. This time one that was seventy inches tall. I picked up a clear plastic one and as I was walking out I realized that I have owned a clear plastic shower curtain since I had long hair. I wasn’t about to get one that said, “Looks like one my ex-girlfriend had” but I decided to get one that looked like something that I would like, hell, it is something I do like. It’s kind of opaque with bamboo pattern on it. Yeah, that’s cool.
So after all these years of the same shower curtain I’m back to be the Rebel of the Indoor Rain. I’ve ditched a habit I’ve had most of my life and it feels a little out of sorts to take a shower all hidden and out of sight, kind of. I think no matter how small a change you make in your life that nearly all change is good in some way. It builds up. It rearranges the way you look at the Universe in some way. Maybe other things will change now. Maybe I’ll wear socks that aren’t white one day.
Don’t hold your breath.
Take Care,

Mike

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