It’s no secret that people wear me out simply by being around me. Sometimes even people I really like really wear me down when they don’t seem to understand what I am saying. Oddly, I like writing in public. I like the noise and the action around me. I think that comes from trying to write in a house full of dogs. Dogs, when excited, are noisome creatures who feed upon each other’s energy when they are barking at perceived threat, a cow in the distance, or even water molecules. They make up for it when they throw down on some stranger who isn’t supposed to be there and no matter how well you think you know dogs a pair of hundred pound plus canids must give you pause. I’ve never shared space with more harmless dogs than I do at this point in my life, but as long as they sound scary most people will hesitate.
There’s really no reason for me to be drawn to write in public but long before I got a laptop I would do into coffee shops and simply write whatever popped into my head. My handwriting is nearly illegible but at the same time I would retain the gist of whatever came out. With a laptop the product is more refined and a lot more readable. It’s a lot easier to store writing for later use than it is to use a notepad with scribbles on it. Still, none of this explains why I started writing in public in the beginning.
There are drawbacks. Right now there’s an infant not two meters from me who is getting into the warm up phase of the Song of His People. He reminds of Aimee Mann in the “Voices Carry” video where she stands up in the audience at Carnegie Hall and start belting out the song. I’ve always thought that was one of the best videos ever and it’s a shame Mann never went into acting.
A young woman has now appeared with an even younger child and this is a creature who is not happy about something. What exactly does an infant have to be unhappy about? Has his stocks crashed over the week? Is he behind on his house payments? Is his mother a Justina Beaver fan and his earliest memories being polluted by a soundtrack best reserved for a movie that features giant tapeworms taking over the world by hiding in porta potties? Seriously, kid, some twenty something cutie is going to pop a nipple in your mouth several times a day. Your life will never be as good as it is right now.
I can in fact, point out at that age everything is all or nothing, good or bad, cry for it and get it or cry for it and not get it, feeding, waste disposal, sleep, and maybe even all three at one time, but that doesn’t explain why I’m writing about this in public when I could be on my sofa surrounded by dogs. The infant has much more basic needs than I do but at the same time I am here for some reason or another, very much the same as his, even if I cannot articulate it. I am driven to write and wouldn’t begin to know what to do instead of, and I wonder if this is what I got instead of the drive to breed and bring forth into this world a creature that can scream louder than the body sheltering the voice would seem to be able to house.
Perhaps the infant and I have the same needs to communicate yet in his case he cannot speak the words, doesn’t have the vocabulary, cannot physically form the language that he’s being taught, even when he isn’t being spoken to directly. I hesitate over a word misplaced while he wails in frustration over the fact that he cannot tell his mother that over there, is a shiny headed person who seems to be preoccupied with a device in front of him, that a light also shines from. Take me over there so I might explore the shiny and perhaps destroy something that cost more to replace than you could get for a baby on the black market.
I am tempted to Google the price of babies for sale but that is not something I want in my browser history. I also don’t want Amazon or someone to pick up that search and bombard me with ads from people trying to sell babies. But then again, Amazon is a public place that fulfills needs and knows how to create them as well. The infant will grow up in a world where his parents will offer him foods and toys and by doing so, create a need, or at least a desire, in his life for those things. Amazon has tapped into this ability in a very basic way.
Oh my dogs the woman has put the child on the floor and he is walking. This will end very poorly.
There are two men talking to the northeast of me and one of them is trying to get out of the conversation. The other is trying to talk business with the first man and doesn’t seem to realize, or does realize and wants to impose himself, and it’s interesting to see if the first man stays or if he flees, and if he does leave with the second man pursue him. Ah, and there is my answer. The first man takes his coffee and leaves and the second man follows him to the door but doesn’t chase him into the parking lot.
The caffeine is swimming in my veins like salmon flashing upstream to spawn. I have a need to hit the gym and work myself into a state of exhaustion. There’s a lot of pent up frustration built up over the week and needs release. Good bye, infant, I do not think we will meet again even if we do have similar haircuts right now. The crowd and I must part company and this is my homage to them, for being the background noise of what you’re reading. I still have no idea why this feeds me in some way but I leave with ideas forming in my head, of writings that are still very young.